We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize