Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
