You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
