the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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