Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
