first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
should my penis look like a turkey
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
