i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
