No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
