Pappa wants mamma naked
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
