I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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