Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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