do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
whose parrot is this?
I want to fling myself into the sun
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
