Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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