You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
