i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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