sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
