It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
