I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
