I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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