Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
