Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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