And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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