my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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