i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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