this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
