yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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