So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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