Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
