what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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