Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
