My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
