I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
