life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
