If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
