Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
