I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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