there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
