Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
