i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize