we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize