gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
