i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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