the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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