i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
