She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
