We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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