Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
