I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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