I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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