I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
