Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
