No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
