Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
