dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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