uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize