allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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