she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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