I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
