sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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