He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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