My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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