My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
