I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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