I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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