Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
