Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
