Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
