I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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