he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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