The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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