eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
