she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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