I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
