He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
