16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
