So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
