he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
not ubering you a puppy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
