It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my being single is dangerous.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
