I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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