So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
