chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do vagina's smell?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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