I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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