Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
